Saturday, November 21, 2009

It's a new day

I woke up this morning kind of in a blur of yesterday's happenings. I can't (but also can) believe how emotionally overwhelming yesterday was. Most who know me well know that I am not great at showing emotions, let alone crying. It's like that song "Stand in the Rain" by Superchick...."The shadows are long and she fears if she cries that first tear, the tears will not stop raining down".

That's pretty much how I am. If I allow the tears to come, which I need to do more often, the tears don't stop and I cry one of those cries where you can't catch your breath and all you do is blubber. But man, it feels good when it's over.

So that was me yesterday. As I sat in the doctor's office after I was told the baby had some bleeding on the brain, I was attempting to be strong and not let my mind wander down a path that would inevitably bring the downpour of tears. I had my children with me for crying out loud!! But after being left alone in an exam room for about 20 minutes alone with my thoughts, and my children who thought the exam table's stirrups (yes, THOSE stirrups) were meant to be a jungle gym, I completely lost it. Especially when Wade called and I had to explain what was going on.

Ava sweetly asked why my face was so red, and I think Tyson was oblivious to my emotional reaction. I had to explain to Ava what was going on and that the doctor's were talking to see what we could do for Baby Gus, and she just looked at me with her big hazel eyes and gave me a big 4 year old hug that melts a mother's heart. She is my compassionate one.

So that was the first of many episodes of "losing it" yesterday and I even surprised myself at how freely I was letting the tears flow...even though there was no confirmation as to what was really going on.

Looking back, I realize the emotion of yesterday was more than the possibility of my baby suffering, but was also a lot of cooped up emotion that I've been holding onto because we're moving back to Colorado. Yes, you read right. We are cutting our 3 year rotation in NY short. Wade got a job offer from a client in Denver that he accepted and we are moving back to Colorado just after Christmas. But that's a whole other post.

More than anything, I am grateful BEYOND WORDS to all our friends, family and neighbors who came around us in such a short amount of time to pray, take care of the kids, support, and petition God for healing. I wanted to share with you some of the encouraging words I received through e-mails, texts, facebook, and the blog. This is all IN ADDITION to many phone calls received, and all this came pouring in within just a couple hours.

Here are the words and prayers that carried me through yesterday...

Angela - "Wow. I am praying right now. I love you sweet friend."

My Dad - "I pray that our gracious Lord gave you a restful night of sleep and the joy of waking up to happy, healthy little children sounds. I’m sure there were lots of family hugs going all around this morning. There wasn’t more than a minute or two that you were out of my prayers for the 4-5 hours which inched by today until you again called mom on your way home. Believe me, it was difficult not to call you to rejoice, but I would only have broken down. I can only imagine how absolutely exhausted you all were tonight.It ’s experiences like this that make us far more sensitive and empathetic to others who bear more burdens than we could ever understand. Dear Jesus, we all are VERY humbled by your continuing, unmerited grace you shower on us all."

Melissa - "Praying! Psalm 139 got me through all the worry with Andy before he was born. I'm with Erin, Remove, Reverse and Restore! Love you!"

Aunt Shari & Uncle Bob - "Jodi called and alerted us to the stresses that your family is under right now. We are definitely praying that everything will turn out good. My Bible study/prayer group will also be praying. I love your friend's prayer: Re-move, Re-verse, Re-store! Two of my favorite verses that I rely on over and over: May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. Romans 15:13. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the God of peace, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus. Phil. 4: 6-7. So rest assured! Take care and keep in touch.... you're in our thoughts and prayers"

Julie - "hey you,read your blog and i am lifting you up and praying like crazy. i had a similar scare with William's u/s and multiple cysts on his brain (and a variety of horrible scenarios as a result) and just reading your post brought me right back to that time. as Phil wisely counseled me through my moments of fear (there were many)---god does not make mistakes. so i pray HIS blanket of peace to cover you. he has hand crafted that little baby and is and will be glorified in his creation. all my love."

Marla - "Praying for you, Wade and baby Gus! I love Jeremiah 1:5. God knows Gus inside and out and loves him so, so much!!"

Cousin Jodi - "Praying for baby Gus and the rest of you! Remember everything is just as God intended."

Wendi - "Just read your blog.....I am so thankful to hear that all is well with baby Gus."

Erin - "Praying for this to be RE-versed, RE-moved, and RE-stored. The Lord is my Helper, I will not fear. Hebrews 13:6. In the Greek, Helper = Boethos which describes God as One who comes RUNNING when we cry for help. Describes the Lord as poised and read to rush to the relief of His children when they call for help. We got you covered Kristen."

My Mom - "You are being covered in prayer even as I type. I have called and spoken with Sharon so all the So. Dakota family is praying. Joanne and family and friends are praying as well as our own prayer chain at church and friends in the Springs. God is wit h you in every circumstance and will be your strength and fort.Just know how Dad & I wish we could be there to wrap you in our arms of love...our prayers and our loving God will be so much better though."

My sister - "Love you, sis. Been praying and praising right along with you from AtoZ."

Dana - "Please let me know what I can do for you. I am here for you my friend! Sending you lots of love."

This whole experience may have been a mistake in reading the ultrasound by our first technician, but I really do believe we experienced a miracle yesterday and I will be forever praising God for his faithfulness in our lives. I am constantly amazed at the family of God and how quickly everyone comes together.

As my neighbor Berl put it best, I enlisted my "talented group"...referring to my fellow prayer warriors. He has no idea how true that is!!!

Last, I of course to post some sort of picture. This scene greets me at my front door, and I think it's message hits home in a special way this Thanksgiving.

5 comments:

cfriedenstein said...

And...I again thought of mom's terror in 1975 as she held you in her lap at age several months as I sped down the Harbor Freeway in LA - you were sky blue in color; not breathing; and stone stiff. There is no terror like that of a mother for her child. And no sacrificial love like a parent who would lay down their life for their child, until we remember that this is what the Father did with His Son to redeem us.

erin said...

So grateful.

Kristina said...

Kristen,

So fun to get to know you better through your blog. I was praying for you too. So glad to know that everything is OK!

Marla Taviano said...

Praise the Lord, Kristen! Seems to me that our Healer God just healed that little guy (girl?) in a snap. So awesome!!

SweetP91 said...

Amen. Amen. Amen. So thankful for a healthy baby Gus. I am grateful that the Lord is with us in the midst of walking through our "fires". (Like he was with Daniel's friends in the middle of the fiery furnace). ...Looking forward to you all moving back Colorado way.